I have a rather vain character who is, unsurprisingly, a vampire. His name is Esteban and he had his own Twitter account and Vampire Esteban blog. The blog was a vampire advice column for all the supernatural creatures in his territory. Unfortunately, the internet gremlins ate the database on his blog and all his wonderful advice went poof!
Below is one of the advice column posts that I was able to resurrect. His advice columns always included Lyla, his new and unimpressed assistant.
Dear Esteban & Lyla
I am a young female vampire, born into the undead world just twenty years ago. There are things I love about being a vampire. For example, I haven’t aged one bit and my younger sister (still human) now looks like she could be my mother. It makes me laugh.
So I really hate to sound ungrateful—but I really miss the sun. Before the change, I was a sun worshiper. I used to spend hours tanning.
Now my skin is white and I’m cold all the time. Must I be pasty for eternity?
Lyla – Jay-sus, how vain can she be? Are you vampires all this vain?
Esteban – She can use my sunless tanning spray. I formulated it specifically for vampires. How do you think I look this good?
Lyla – Who said I thought that?
Esteban – It is part of the new vampire body care line I’m putting out this summer—Eternal Darkness.
Lyla – Clever name. How do you suggest she gets warm?
Esteban – For warmth, I suggest my hot tub.
Lyla – Your hot tub?
Esteban – I have it to help young, beautiful vampires in their time of need.
Lyla – Or yours.
Esteban – Well, yes… that too.